Diary of a Shopkeeper, 20th June
The Kirknesses and The Gories have a day out c. 1930. Identities noted below.
Last week’s Diary was almost the last, as a large motorhome came within inches of smashing into my van as I crossed the Ayre Mills roundabout on Friday.
The driver, at the helm of what appeared to be a hired vehicle, seemed unfamiliar with the location of his brake pedal, and sailed straight out into the flow of traffic, necessitating an emergency stop from me – and an explosive expletive.
It was tempting, when back in the shop, to unleash a tirade about careless campervan drivers – and in fact campervans and motorhomes generally. They’re certainly more numerous on our roads, in our carparks and at our beauty spots than ever before.
But that wouldn’t be fair. They don’t have the monopoly on bad driving, nowhere near it.
Just a few days earlier I was nearly run off the road at the same roundabout by a souped-up saloon with a young guy at the wheel.
And most nerve-jangling of all, back in December a piece of particularly manic driving by a van from a well-known fish farm just about killed me. It also forced me to change our Christmas dinner menu. I’d actually been on my way to buy a side of salmon to make gravlax, but having come within millimetres of death on the bonnet of a salmon van, there was no way I was inviting that fish into our home.
Scotch Broth it was, then. (With a miniature of Scapa added to the pot at the last moment for that genuine Scotch flavour.)
I remember reading years ago – in the Statistical Account of Scotland, I believe, published in the 1790s – that Orkney had the highest population of horses, compared to humans, of any part of the country. The writer noted ‘the vaft number of horfes which they never fail to ufe on almoft all occafions,’ but complained that the recent introduction of carts was damaging the county’s rudimentary roads.
Blasted modern contraptions! If it’s not campervans its horse-drawn carts!
By the late twentieth century, Orkney was said to have the highest car-ownership figures in Scotland. Being a rural county, and relatively prosperous, it’s understandable that most of us need to drive for business or leisure.
But do we have to do it so badly?
I was having a pleep about this in the shop yesterday, to which a wise tourist replied, ‘Aye, but it’s not just in Orkney folk drive badly, it’s everywhere! You should see the roads in Glasgow: it’s like the Wacky Races.’
The seventeenth century French philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, ‘All of humanity's problems stem from our inability to sit in a room quietly and alone.’
That thought has taken on new depths of meaning over the pandemic, as millions of people across the country have indeed been forced to sit in their rooms alone. Humanity seems to have created quite a few problems during this period of enforced isolation, perhaps disproving Pascal’s theory once and for all.
Maybe it’s the release from captivity that is sending so many drivers out on a wild spree of speeding and stooran aboot. Maybe we’re all like kye in the spring, when the doors of the byres are flung open and the beasts go gyte with excitement.
(Which reminds me of the mean old West Mainland farmer, who would lead each cow out individually in the springtime, a rope halter round its head. He’d walk it up and down the field on a tight rein till it stopped going ree. God forbid that an ounce of winter fat would be lost to irresponsible gambolling!)
It’s wouldn’t be too surprising if the continuing release from lockdown left a few of us a bit giddy. Still, it would be a shame to have cooped ourselves up for a year to protect our health only to be run over or smashed into.
The past year has encouraged more people than ever to go out walking, running and cycling, which can only be a good thing. Those campervans are here to stay, too, whether we like them or not. Vehicles are bigger in general, and there are more very big ones like freight lorries and tour buses than before. And of course there’s still a vaft number of horfes being ridden, often by young folk.
All that isn’t going to change, so it’s going to have to be our driving habits that do.
Just as I was writing this diary entry, I noticed a new Facebook group called ‘Making Orkney Roads Safe for Everyone’ has started up. It’s nothing to do with me, but I wish it well – who wouldn’t wish for our roads to be safer?
How can that be made to happen? By looking again at speed limits in certain areas, maybe? By creating safe lanes along busy roads for cyclists and walkers? By exploiting the expertise and access to funding of organisations like Sustrans Scotland?
More immediate and cheaper would be for all of us drivers to slow down and take more care. If you have a boat to catch, don’t leave it till the last minute then rush to the pier at top speed. Start your journey early and take your time.
Always keep in mind the old proverb: softly softly catchy ferry.
That photo again… From left to right: Possibly Tom Gorie (John Gorie’s brother), Unknown, Margaret Gorie (James Kirkness’s daughter, John’s wife), Pat Gorie (James and Margaret’s son, Ola and Bruce’s father), John D Gorie (head of the family firm at this time), Andrew Mellis (owner of a garage in Junction Road, where the Auld Motor Hoose is now. It’s seems likely that he provided this very grand car for the run in the country recorded here, round about 1930.)
This diary appeared in The Orcadian on 23rd June. Other diaries continue to appear weekly. I am posting them in this blog a few days after each newspaper appearance, with added illustrations., and occasional small corrections or additions.