*An olive tree in Crete, said to be 3000 years old.*

In the annals of organised crime, the theft of olive oil does not rate many mentions. I don’t think Sherlock Holmes, Miss Marple, or even Police West Mainland’s finest, Inspector Chief Sudoku, ever had a case that involved them rushing into a deli in pursuit of a bottle of Extra Virgin Cold Pressed Priego di Cordoba. But that’s what’s happening in Spain right now, with olive oil reportedly being the number one product targeted by shoplifters in delis and supermarkets. Retailers are chaining five litre tins together, and fittings security tags to the necks of expensive bottles, to make them harder to steal.

I’m happy to say we’ve never had a problem with anyone trying to swipe olive oil from our shelves. I suppose that’s a reflection of the relative importance that it holds for consumers in Orkney and in traditional olive oil-producing countries like Spain, Italy and Greece. And Turkey, Tunisia, and Morocco. And Algeria, Albania and Egypt.

We don’t see much of those oils in this country, but almost every piece of land that borders the Mediterranean has a relationship with the olive that stretches back many millennia. And its products – especially oil – have a central part in their cuisine, their culture, even their religion. With olive oil often symbolising community, prosperity and peace, it’s clear why it plays a key symbolic role in the three great monotheistic religions, Christianity, Islam and Judaism. (We could use a whole grove of olive branches in the eastern Mediterranean right now.)

Spain is the world’s biggest source of olive oil, producing 766,000 tons in 2023. That sounds like a lot, but it’s half as much as was produced there in typical years like 2021 and 2020. Bad weather is blamed for the decline, and harvests were also hit in important areas like central Italy, and most of Greece. In short, we’re heading into a year where there won’t be enough olive oil to satisfy the world’s demands. Prices will inevitably go up.

To be fair, that won’t worry most of us in Orkney too much. Although many folk value the benefits of the Mediterranean diet – lots of fish and vegetables, a glass of wine and a slug of olive oil – it’s not central to everything we eat. In this country we tend to think of oil as something neutral that we fry in. We don’t obsess over it, any more than we obsess over the water we boil the tatties in. Occasionally a die-hard old-school chippie boasts of its use of beef dripping rather than vegetable oil. And every Christmas there’s a flurry of interest in duck fat or goose fat for making the ultimate roasties. Apart from that, oil is expected to be seen and not tasted.

That’s where good olive oil comes in. You wouldn’t fry chips in Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO) which is universally considered the best, extracted without the use of heat or chemicals, both of which alter oil’s health-benefits and flavours. EVOO should be thought of more like a condiment, or finishing touch. It makes a fantastic dressing for raw or roasted vegetables. Steamed or baked fish fillets come alive if you squiggle some green, grassy EVOO over them on the plate. A slice of good bread, lightly toasted, generously doused in oil and sprinkled with sea salt is one of the greatest taste sensations on the planet – and so simple and quick!

A couple of weeks ago I made olive oil ice cream. Part of the cream in the mix was replaced with good quality oil. When I spooned it into bowls, I trickled a spoonful of the best EVOO over the top, and finished it with a few grains of coarse salt. It was one of those things where your taste buds initially go, ‘What???’ but soon come around to, ‘Yum!!!’

Worth slipping a bottle inside your coat and sneaking out the door for? Definitely not. But worth £10 or £15 for a bottle of the good stuff? Absolutely: 500 ml will jazz up 50 servings. At that price, it’s a steal.

This diary appeared in The Orcadian on 14th March 2024. A new diary appears weekly. I post them in this blog a few days after each newspaper appearance, with added illustrations., and occasional small corrections or additions.

Diary of a Shopkeeper, 10th March 2024