Diary of a Shopkeeper, 9th July

This copy of the Declaration of Wyre hangs in the Lynnfield Hotel, Kirkwall.

It was a squall that whipped up from nowhere and blew itself out in a day or two. But while it lasted – what a wind!

On Tuesday morning the shop was full of chatter. I had to apologise to Kiwi Kate for closing early the previous afternoon. ‘I was on the radio,’ I said, ‘Being interviewed about the whole Orkxit thing.’

‘Radio Orkney?’ said Kate.

‘No, something called Times Radio,’ I said.

‘Never heard of it.’

‘Me neither. But the interviewer was John Pienaar, I’d heard of him.’

‘What did you say?’ chipped in Mrs Stentorian, over by the anchovies.

‘I’m not sure: I was talking rather than listening. Something about how it usually took a world war for London to pay such attention to Orkney.’

‘I was interviewed by The Times too,’ said Kate, ‘the actual Times, the newspaper.’

‘Ooh!’

‘I’d just been shovelling a trailer-load of pony manure, so he probably thought pooh rather than ooh.’

‘My interview was for The Guardian,’ said Mrs Stentorian. ‘I ask you! As if I’d want to be associated with such a left-wing rag.’

‘So did you refuse to talk to them?’ I said.

‘I gave them a piece of my mind about Jeremy Corbyn and left it at that.’

‘What’s Corbyn got to do with it?’ exclaimed Kate. ‘A fellow allotment-keeper: I quite like him.’

I stood on my tiptoes and craned my head around to scan the shop. ‘Is there anyone here,’ I called out, ‘who hasn’t been interviewed by the south media?’

A hand went up from behind the Rioja display, and Bruce Brass’s shaggy head popped into view. ‘I wasn’t interviewed,’ he said, ‘But I did phone in to a late-night chat show on Radio Olney.’

 ‘Olney in Buckinghamshire?’ said Mrs Stentorian, ‘Why on earth did you call them?’

 ‘I was Googling the number for Radio Orkney and I must have typed it wrong. Well, it was half past midnight. And I’d had a dram or two.’

‘Dramming on a work night, Bruce?’ I said. ‘Not like you.’

He started scrunching his hands into fists and sparring with the air. ‘I’ll tell you, beuy, I was so reean mad I just had to let off some steam.’

‘Raging about the council?’ I said, ‘now that is like you.’

‘The whole thing was preposterous!’ cried Mrs Stentorian. ‘The Mouse that Roared all over again. With Mr Stockan in the Peter Sellers role.’

‘That’s not what boils my pistachios,’ said Bruce. ‘It’s the way they keep reinventing the wheel. We had Our Islands, Our Future in 2013 – great! Whatever happened to that? Then last year they set up the Constitutional Reform Consultative Group to discuss exactly this kind of thing. Eight councillors were elected to it fourteen months ago. How often have they met? Never! Good ideas never turn into action. School Place is one big talking shop!’

‘Going by today,’ said Kiwi Kate, ‘I’d say Kirkness & Gorie is the biggest talking shop in town.’

‘Very funny,’ I said. ‘But let me say something. I was clearing out the store though the back yesterday and I found a copy of The Orkney View magazine from 1999. Remember that? Loads of interesting stuff. And the editorial was all about constitutional reform for Orkney! Listen to this.’

I went over to my desk and read from the magazine:

‘Following the referendum and Orkney’s lukewarm endorsement of a Scottish parliament, the next notion to take hold here seems to be, paradoxically, that Orkney could become more independent. The idea that the Islands Council could be a kind of opted out mini-Parliament with extra powers might be feasible if there were sufficient high calibre candidates able to ensure properly contested elections.’

Bruce snorted. ‘Chance would be a fine thing.’

‘If you feel so strongly,’ said Mrs Stentorian, ‘you should stand yourself.’

‘He tried that,’ said Kate. ‘He lost.’

‘I consider myself the council’s loyal opposition,’ said Bruce.

‘You and everyone else,’ said Kate.    

An interesting short history of Orkney’s constitutional turbulence can be found (with a few excellent photos) here: https://theconversation.com/the-history-behind-orkneys-vote-to-join-norway-209352 The author, Mathew Nicolson, brings genuine knowledge to the subject - unlike most of the journalists who’ve written about the subject in recent days.

This diary appeared in The Orcadian on 12th July 2023. A new one appears weekly. I post them in this blog a few days after each newspaper appearance, with added illustrations., and occasional small corrections or additions.