Diary of a Shopkeeper, 24th July

Man plays trumpet made of beer. while dog sings. (Photo: Chick Chalmers.)

I heard the rustle of matching windcheaters, then the pitter-patter of sturdy brogues, and that was it: Creighton and Elsbeth were back in the shop. This was surprising, as they’d promised they’d never return, after we’d betrayed their trust with our April Fool trick about fictional Goatie Buckie cheese.

I smiled. ‘Welcome!’

‘Thank the lord,’ said Creighton. ‘An empty shop.’

‘At least there’s something we can depend on finding in this place,’ said Elsbeth. ‘Peace and quiet.’

‘We’ve actually been quite busy today,’ I said, ‘Why, five minutes ago…’

‘I tell you, Mr Kirkness, the place has gone completely mad,’ said Creighton. ‘I’ve never seen such crowds in my life. Eating, drinking, hanging around in the street…talking to each other! Where do they think they are? Italy?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said, ‘unless it’s the queue for milk at Shearer’s.’

‘It’s our hometown,’ said Elsbeth, ‘Our beautiful, peaceful, deserted Stromness. Until this week, that is. This week – well, madness has descended.’

‘I think I know what you’re…’ I said.

‘And they have the nerve,’ interrupted Creighton, ‘the barefaced cheek, to call it Shopping Week. When the one activity you can’t pursue is shopping.’

‘Usually it’s no problem,’ said Elsbeth. ‘One can slip in and out and pick up one’s provisions very efficiently. And pause outside the delicatessen to watch the drizzle glitter on the plainstones without any fear of a passer-by interrupting the tranquillity.’

‘They should call it No Shopping Week,’ said Creighton. ‘They should call it Getting Together with your Friends for a High Old Time Week.’

The customer is always right, I know. But sometimes… ‘Hold on,’ I said. ‘Shopping Week is great. If I wasn’t working, I’d be there like a shot. I can assure you that lots of shopping does go on – that’s the whole point, encouraging folk to use the excellent shops they have over there. It might just take a minute longer to get served. Bur what’s the rush?’

Creighton opened his mouth to says something, but I wasn’t finished.

‘Actually, there are some good reasons to rush. You might be going to the rides at the Pier Head. Or the food stalls for a burger or some cherry candyfloss. ‘Sweet fog on a stick,’ as GMB called it. Or you could rush to see the greasy pole competition, or the fancy dress parade. In fact, you could still make that if you leave now. Leave now!’

‘That might be acceptable,’ said Elsbeth, ‘If we lived in Sauchiehall Street.’

‘God forbid!’ cried Creighton.

‘But we chose to live in a lovely peaceful town. Not one where the streets are jam packed with people talking and laughing.’

‘If we’d wanted that we could have chosen Kirkwall,’ said Creighton, ‘and done our shopping on one of those impossible days when there’s a liner in.’

‘There’s a liner in today,’ I said, ‘Nothing’s impossible. There’s a buzz, it’s what a shopping street should be like.’

They were shaking their heads.

‘Well listen,’ I said. ‘You’re here now. And you have the place to yourself. What can I get for you?’

Elsbeth sighed. ‘We decided we needed something to soothe our nerves after the week we’ve had. A nice bottle of Chablis, perhaps.’

‘We’ll chill it down when we get home,’ said Creighton. ‘Then as evening falls and peace descends at last, we’ll sit out in our garden…’

‘…at the end of the pier…’ sighed Elsbeth.

‘…and at last we’ll enjoy some of the healing Hamnavoe calm the estate agent promised us.’

I looked at them. ‘It’s Saturday night of Shopping Week,’ I said. ‘Two words: pierhead dance.’

‘What?’ said Creighton.

‘And another word,’ I said. ‘Fireworks.’

The photo at the top, from a Shopping Week in the mid-1970s, is by Chick Chalmers, whose book Life in the Orkney Islands (1979) is one of the indispensable portraits of this place. You can visit the website maintained in his memory here

This diary appeared in The Orcadian on 27th July 2022. A new one appears weekly. I post them in this blog a few days after each newspaper appearance, with added illustrations., and occasional small corrections or additions.